Digest #4 - Relationships: A Recalibration
Relationships are the pulse of many of our lives - carrying us through the ups and downs, offering light, and steadiness in a chaotic world. They become our source of gratitude and the direction of our deepest longing.
Yet when we observe society more broadly, we notice some staggering trends: declining marriage rates, rise in single-parenting, and an increase in children being born outside of marriage.
While our desire for connection is stronger than ever, perhaps what is needed is a recalibration of how we approach relationships.
The Bhagavad-gita offers a useful framework.
It describes three psychological and behavioural tendencies known as the modes of material nature:
tamas (inertia and avoidance)
rajas (restless desire and constant activity)
sattva (clarity and balance)
The modes of material nature influence how we show up in relationships, and ultimately, how those relationships develop over time.
When tamas influences a relationship, growth slows down. Practically, difficult conversations are avoided, effort decreases, and we may become emotionally distanced even while physically present. The result is stagnation; resentment naturally builds, leaving two people completely disconnected.
Krishna explains that anything done under the influence of rajas appears like nectar at first, but ends like poison. In relationships, this looks like chasing intense attraction, personal validation and that which appears exciting. While these relationships may initially be energising, they soon become destabilising as there is no shared deeper direction or purpose.
In contrast, sattva is said to appear like poison but end like nectar - these relationships may feel demanding at times, but they lead to lasting fulfilment. They are grounded in sacrifice, self-control, honest and thoughtful communication, and long-term planning. This creates the deepest intimacy, built on mutual respect, trust, and stability.
Returning to a theme in Digest 1, the Bhagavad-gita emphasises awareness as the first step towards change - Krishna does not demand perfection; merely deliberation and sincere introspection.
This week, let’s ask ourselves the question:
Which tendency most influences how I show up in each of my relationships - avoidance, restlessness, or clarity and long-term care?
One Minute Practice
This week, tell a loved one something you genuinely appreciate about them or something they did.
Not a general comment, something specific.
For example:
“I appreciated how you supported me when you…”
“I really value how consistent you are with…”
“I really noticed how much effort you put into…”
If this topic resonated, hear from S.B. Keshava Swami on the simplicity of deepening intimacy in relationships in the short video below: